I miss this face. This little boy would be thirty-two years old today. It’s been too long since I’ve seen him. It’s been too long since I’ve seen that smile or heard that laugh. I wonder what grown-up Matthew would be like? I’m pretty sure the brown eyes would sill sparkle, and that crooked grin would still melt my heart. I’m pretty sure he would be protective of his sisters.

What I don’t know is what his teen-age and adult choices would have been. Were there some unpleasant consequences that he was spared from by being taken at the age of five? So many questions remain unanswered. What kind of young-man would he be? Kind-hearted? Most-likely. Generous? Probably so. Hard-headed? I’m pretty sure.

Would his teenage and young adult years brought trouble? The hard answer is: probably so. This precious boy in his five short years witnessed domestic violence, and saw his dad arrested and imprisoned. As a young mother, I was overwhelmed and not the parent he deserved.

In the middle of the chaos, Matthew and I shared lots of love and laughter. Twenty-six years has not faded the memory of his smile or the stories that make me chuckle. I’ll never know what adult Matthew would be like, but this I do know: I will see him again one day. When we are reunited it will be forever. In heaven there will be no more sorrow!

God has not wasted the experience of losing Matthew. From that heartbreak, I learned that God is truly as strong and as faithful as He says He is. From that terrible day, I learned not to be afraid. God brought me through the hardest thing I could imagine. If He can carry me through that, and still give me strength to walk in joy alongside sorrow, then I know there is nothing too big for Him.

Happy birthday, Matthew. I love you, I miss you, I look forward to the day I see you again!

 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them.  ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes.