In a sideways glance I saw it. A man took his suit jacket and gently placed it around his wife’s shoulders. It was such a sweet gesture. I smiled for a second and then it hit me. I was hit by a sneak attack of “poor me.”
Must be nice to have someone to do little things like that. Sure wish I had what
they have. Why couldn’t my marriage turn out that way?
Occasionally that little devil on my shoulder bends my ear. That unwelcome voice plants thoughts in my mind that can quickly send me into a spiral of self-pity. If I let those thoughts stay, my focus shifts to what others have that I don’t. I play the comparison game and always seem to come up short. A friend explained to me years ago, “You’re comparing your insides to their outsides.” She pointed out that I was putting my hurt feelings and insecurities up against the appearance of people who seemed to have it all together. That unrealistic comparison is not beneficial for me.
Twenty years ago God provided me a way out of an abusive marriage. I just knew that in a couple of years I would be remarried. I figured I had learned my lesson and that if I would just choose a better spouse the next time, we would live happily ever after!
The first few years after my divorce, I watched others around me and kept score. When several people who got divorced after me beat me to the altar, I told God, “This isn’t fair!” I thought I deserved a happy marriage. While I waited for my turn I worked on getting to know God and His word better. I watched more mature believers and learned from their example. I still wanted to be married. I struggled with loneliness and with the difficulty of raising two children alone.
In one bible study, we read verses that talked about being content in the situation God has called us to. The same chapter talked about being married or being single. “Singleness is a gift,” our teacher informed us. I wondered out loud, “Is this a gift we can exchange?”
God was patient with my self-pity and my sarcasm. He began to change my heart. As my trust in Him grew, so did my contentment with being single. My life overflows with things to be thankful for. I am spoiled rotten by my Heavenly Father. I don’t know what the future holds. I do what He has placed before me each day and trust Him with the outcome.
When those pesky thoughts of discontent creep in, I chase them out with focus on what is good. I make a gratitude list. It changes my attitude and restores my joy!
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Proverbs 4:23 NIV