I fought back tears as I stepped into the hallway. I would NOT let them see me cry. These high school students were having a field day with me, the new teacher. It was my first year in a traditional classroom. It was not their first time testing limits. The classroom management strategies that worked well for me in an alternative school setting were failing miserably. Some students were quick to take advantage of my inexperience and insecurity. They were pros at frustrating me and getting me off track. I was not good at redirecting and standing my ground…..yet! Part of me wanted to run out the door and never look back.
I stayed because of trust. I had seen God orchestrate this move and job change in ways that left no doubt it was His plan. I had interviewed over the phone in a hospital gown two days after major surgery. (almost unheard of before Skype or Google Hangouts). In six weeks time, the house sold, we moved across the state and I started my new job.
Now I was standing at my classroom door watching the swarm of students change classes. I steeled myself for the challenge of the next group. I dreaded the struggle I knew was coming as I competed with my students for control of the room. As the hall emptied just before the tardy bell, I noticed a scrap of paper on the floor in front of me. I picked it up and turned it over. I was puzzled at what I read.
Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. (Hebrews 12:14 NIV)
Live in peace? With everyone? Even the girl who quizzed me daily, “When are we ever going to use this?” What about the boy who left to go to the bathroom almost every day, and then would forget to come back? Surely I wasn’t expected to live in peace with the girl who stood up in the middle of class, slammed her fist on the desk and shouted, “Mrs. Ruddell, we told you we don’t like fractions. You still keep giving us fractions!” (it was an Algebra II class). How was I supposed to live in peace with these students whose primary purpose in life seemed to be to make me miserable?
I told God I was going to need His help with this one. This challenge was too much for me on my own. I didn’t believe that He would put me in this job just to be unhappy and unsuccessful. To quit without His permission would not be beneficial. (remember Jonah and the big fish?)
I placed that scrap of paper on my podium and left it there throughout the year. With the help of veteran teacher friends and administrators, I learned little by little how to be a better teacher. I found answers for the student who wanted to know when she was going to use this math. I learned that “Can I go to the bathroom?” often means “I want to go wander the halls.” I learned to say NO. I kept giving my students fractions. My confidence grew. My classroom management improved. I got to know my students and they began to trust me. Soon I wasn’t leaving in tears.
I am now finishing my fourteenth year in the same school. I am now the veteran teacher who tries to help the newbies adjust and be successful. Some days are still stressful, but very rarely is my frustration at the level it was at the beginning. I enjoy my job. I am thankful for the chance to develop relationships with students and see them learn and grow. I am in awe of a God who works in the details. I am reassured when I think that He would see my tears that day and send that little scrap of paper with His words of encouragement.
Are you in a situation that stressful and frustrating? God hears those who call to Him and ask for help. Keep your eyes open for answers that might look like that little scrap of paper. Often His help comes through other people. We have not been promised easy, but we have been promised help!
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27 NIV