It sneaks up on me every year. There’s a cloud that rolls over my soul right around Thanksgiving. It usually blows in with the first wintery weather. The first few years I was ready. Around the middle of November I would steel myself against the feelings I knew were coming. I would tell anyone who would listen how rough the next few weeks would be for me. I anticipated the waves of grief that would threaten to pull me under on the anniversary of the death of my son, Matthew. I would try to fill my schedule as much as possible, trying to drown out the sorrow with a flurry of activity. I would work myself into a frenzy worrying about how hard the day would be. The dreaded day would come, and I would get through. I would breathe, and realize that I had made it through another year since that horrible day.
It’s now been twenty-five years since that fateful day. Years of day-to-day routines have carved out a new normal. Now the cloud is more subtle. Little signs of the grief cloud start to creep into my days. I get sluggish and sleepy. It’s easier and easier to sit in the chair and watch TV, or sleep much more than normal. I get impatient and irritable. Little things that normally wouldn’t bother me get under my skin. I am tempted to just zone out and let the world pass me by. When I notice these tendencies, and look at the calendar, I make the connection. If it is close to December 5, I know the reason for this downward spiral.
Faced with these effects of grief, even after all these years, what do I do? How do I cope? While there is nothing wrong with remembering the day and feeling sad, I can’t get stuck in feelings of self-pity or thoughts of what might have been. I have found some important things to focus on to help me get through the times when the cloud of grief rolls in.
One is to take care of my physical health. I need to make a concentrated effort to eat right, exercise, and drink plenty of water. While eating junk can provide a temporary emotional comfort, it is not good for my long term health and well-being.
Another thing that helps during these times of sadness is to take some action to benefit some group or individual not connected to me. Pitching in to help some group or cause gets the focus off of me. I never have to look far to find someone less fortunate that could use some help.
A gratitude list is a tool that is very helpful in adjusting my perspective, my attitude, and my mindset. I am blessed beyond measure. I have a safe, warm, comfortable home. I have loving parents and two beautiful daughters. I have an enjoyable, fulfilling job that makes a difference in people’s lives. I have much to be thankful for. I have a caring, supportive church family. I have a constant companion in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He has promised to never leave me or forsake me.
When I focus on the hope that I have in Christ, the cloud of grief and sadness dissipates. The light of Christ’s mercy and grace pierces the darkness that threatens when I am reminded of the day when my son died. The promise of eternity free from sorrow and pain lifts my head and restores my joy.
`He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.
Revelation 21: 4 NIV
